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Transcending the Nasties

2008-12-04T13:36:00.001-06:00

Today I’ve come to appreciate the meaning of “anniversaries” in a new way. This story will get a bit graphic, but if you can stomach it, it might be worth your while.

I’m at home, having cancelled 5 counselling sessions today because of a nasty flu. When I say nasty, what I’m talking about is a revolting explosion of vile disgust coming from all directions! (That’s as graphic as I will get). My body feels like ten armed men came into the comfort of my home and beat me silly with rubber hoses. …I staggered my way to the computer to write this in an attempt to distract myself from the “nasties”!

So what does this have to do with anniversaries? Two years ago today, on December 4th, my wife Dayle and I returned from a short vacation only to discover our world had been turned up-side down! From that day, a lot has changed. It was the beginning of a heart breaking journey in which one of our children would be put to the test in every way possible: spiritually, legally, financially, relationally, occupational… etc. I knew my role as a father was to support and walk with him regardless of the cost. And it did. Eventually I lost my pastoral role in the church I loved, and we as a family have had to weather awful things that are worse to describe than the flu!

December 4th will always be the shocking beginning of a life-altering passage from something we thought was safe and secure to places that remind us of intense sadness and worry. From a functional point of view, most of the “stuff” is over, and the transitions have occurred. We are doing pretty well on this side of it, and extremely thankful.
However, on an emotional level, it’s different. It seems ironic that on this day I would become very sick in body, because I do feel quite sick in spirit anyway.

When I woke at 5 am this morning due to heart palpitations, I realized it was Dec 4th. That’s when things got a little weird. It’s as if I had a voice in my heart speaking words to me (no, I don’t have disassociate disorder). It said this “Gerry, I want to get it out of you. …I have been waiting for this anniversary day.”

Now, I realize that certain spiritual people do not have much room for God to audibly speak directly to us. I confess I’m one of those on occasion. And there are some spirituals that would openly welcome this idea that God was in fact talking to me. Admittedly, I’m one of those too. (Ok, so I am a bit split). The inherent problem is that I do believe in a sovereign and omnipotent God, aaaaand I know that the human mind is complex with imaginative resources galore. SOooo it’s possible I made those thoughts up due to wishful thinking. After all, I do want “it” – the hurt, pain, anger, discouragement, grief, etc – all to be flushed out. I do want to believe in a brighter future, hopeful church politics, restored friendships and fellowship, etc. On and on the list goes.

So here’s the thing: If God is using this sick day to help rid me of issues trailing from the past, I’m all in. Equally, if it’s simply my wishful desires, I can embrace that too. At least it suggests my heart is alive and in touch with both pain and hope. There are many good reasons to walk close to my brokenness in some form or other, so I am willing to persevere with the memories of hardship and sorrow, strolling along side the restored confidence that hope, faith and love are equally and effectively alive.

What is the “it” in your life you’d like to have flushed out?

From the bed pan…

Giving What's Needed

2008-11-30T07:57:00.003-06:00

My wife and I went to the Steve Bell concert last night. What a treat. ...Steve told a story of his recent travels to 3d world countries, and how it's changed his life. Not only has he become more generous, but less of a consumer. He made another statement that really stuck with me. "If we don't get what we want, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with the universe." (worth the ponder).
For some reason, that made me think of a single mom who recently moved to an apartment with her 1 year old son. She doesn't have much; and what she does have is less than what most of us would consider to be the basics. Two things she could use: a baby gate and an area carpet. Here's the ask. If you have what she needs, could you pass it on? Let me know.
Thanks, Gerry

The DNA of Relationships

2008-11-27T12:14:00.000-06:00

Welcome to our blogspot. Please join us with your comments and enquiries.

There's nothing quite like having a place where you feel unconditionally accepted. It's in our nature to need a place belonging, and this need is heightened when we journey through troubles and hardship. I, for one, wish the path of life could be smoother, fair, or simply less injust. But sometimes it hits hard, and we need solace and understanding more than we need advice or correction.
Being accepted and understood is often the first step to healing. I can't change the past, but I sure do want to move forward into the future with a sense that I'm not all screwed up. So healing is esential, but it also does not stand alone because to fully heal means we must grow. Growing through the troubles in our lives is hard work. For those familiar with the 12 steps of recovery, we know that we won't achieve recovery if we don't "work" the steps. So yah, growth requires effort and intentionality. But it also produces awesome results and increases the sense of belonging and healing.

So, lets experiment with the DNA of relationships by finding ways to belong, heal and grow together!

Looking forward to connecting with you on the journey.

Gerry